Let’s face it—adulting is hard.
When you were younger, life seemed simpler, less overwhelming—you didn’t have quite so many decisions to make, and you were able to do what you wanted and got a gold star for doing well. Now, you're running yourself ragged trying to meet the mundane demands of modern living and feeling like you don't even know who you are anymore, right!?
Life feels harder, and finding time for yourself without guilt seems impossible as there's always so much to do. Where's the rule book? Hands up if you had training?! No, me either. The truth is, it is harder. You're living in a 24/7 always-on world that expects you to juggle an entire universe of information, emotions, and responsibilities—all with a smile on your face and with a brain that was originally designed for gathering berries and resting in a cave. Sometimes, curling up into a ball and hoping it all goes away feels preferable to the constant cycle of ‘doing,’ doesn’t it? And where are the gold stars these days?
It’s not uncommon to realise that the life you've built no longer feels like ‘yours.’ You might feel like a square peg in a round hole, unsure of who you are or what you really want, but caught in a loop of obligations. It's a scary and isolating feeling.
This is something I’ve personally experienced, and I’ve noticed more and more of my clients reporting the same thing. Whether it’s raising children, managing financial responsibilities, caring for relatives, running a household, or keeping up with the demands of work, the weight of responsibilities can be overwhelming. I regularly have conversations with people who feel trapped by their obligations, unable to carve out any time for the things they truly want to do.
Social media constantly bombards you with images and messages of what you “should” be doing. You see snapshots of other people’s seemingly perfect lives, and when you can’t keep up—when you're exhausted and struggling to juggle everything—it’s easy to think there’s something wrong with you. How is everyone else getting it right? How do they manage to succeed at work, keep on top of the never-ending laundry pile, maintain relationships, and still find time for themselves?
Here’s the secret: they don’t. Most of us are in the same boat, feeling the pressure to live up to impossible standards. In my experience and during my training, I’ve learnt that this feeling of ‘not being able to keep up’ is a stress signal that you're trying to do more than you have the reserves for. Recognising this is the first step to feeling more in control and discovering that you can cope and feel fulfilled.
I am sharing some practical tips that come up in client sessions that have helped clients (and myself) navigate the challenges of 'adulting', reclaim some time, and reprioritise personal fulfilment. Hope it helps!
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
First and foremost, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or trapped by your responsibilities. These feelings are normal, and they don’t mean you’re failing. It’s important to recognise and accept these emotions rather than suppress them. Adulting is difficult, and it’s okay to admit that you have a lot going on.
2. Reframe Your Perspective
While you can’t always escape your responsibilities, you can change your language and be kinder to yourself to shift how you think about them.Start by changing “I have to” to “I choose to.” This subtle change can help you feel more empowered and aligned with your values. For example, instead of saying, “I have to work to support my family,” say, “I choose to work because supporting my family is important to me.” This reframe helps you connect with your deeper priorities and adds clarity about whether you’re making choices that are true to you, or whether you're simply feeling obligated.
3. Check in with Your Energy
If you were a mobile phone, what battery level would you be on? Do you have a lot of energy, or are you running on fumes? Checking in with your energy is crucial to managing the demands of adulting. When your energy is low, even simple tasks can feel overwhelming. Regularly assess whether you're fully charged or running low. This can help you gauge what you can realistically accomplish and signal when it’s time to 'plug yourself in' to rest and recharge. Scoring your energy level out of 10 each day can help you align your expectations with reality, offering self-compassion on low-energy days and recognising when you have more capacity to help others on higher-energy days.
4. Prioritise Self-Care
Self-care often gets put on the back burner when responsibilities pile up, but it’s essential for maintaining your mental, emotional, and physical health. You heard the old Zen saying 'You should sit in nature for 20 minutes a day... unless you're busy then you should sit for an hour" ? Recognising that you don't 'have time' is the signal that you're working outside of your current capacity and not getting enough of what you need. Self-care doesn’t have to be extravagant or time-consuming. It could be as simple as going to bed at a decent time or taking five minutes to breathe, have a cup of tea, and check in with yourself. Small acts of self-kindness can make a big difference in your overall well-being and prevent burnout. Doing small things consistently is better than doing one big thing rarely when it comes to looking after yourself.
5. Write it Out
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, you're probably trying to juggle many things mentally. Keeping everything in your head is draining, isn’t it? Start by writing down all your tasks and responsibilities on a piece of paper as a brain dump. This allows you to see everything you're dealing with, and once you know what you're managing, it becomes easier to prioritise and organise. When everything feels important, try using a tool like the 'Eisenhower Matrix' to sort tasks by urgency and importance, making it easier to focus on what truly needs your attention.
6. Set Boundaries to Reclaim Time
One of the most challenging aspects of adulting is finding time for yourself amongst all the competing priorities. Even if it’s just 10 or 15 minutes a day, carving out personal time is essential. Set boundaries around your time—whether it’s saying no to unnecessary obligations or scheduling time to relax. Protect that time, treat it as an important meeting you have to go to, or a commitment that you can't miss - you'd do the same for others wouldn't you!?
7. Let Go of Perfection
The pressure to be perfect—at work, at home, in your relationships—can add to the overwhelming feeling. Perfectionism makes adulting feel even more unattainable.Check in with yourself, what is most important, what can wait - if leaving the laundry in a pile for a few days (ahem, yes that may be me) means that you are able to sit down and spend quality time with your family or friends, then give yourself permission to do that, letting go of trying to do everything perfectly because it's impossible, and trying to get there sets you up for perpetual frustration and disappointment. If you're doing all that you can with what you’ve got, you can’t do any more! You don’t need to do everything in a day. Sometimes, progress—not perfection—is all you need. Embracing “good enough” can be a liberating shift in mindset.
8. Create a Long-Term Vision
When your life feels consumed by endless obligations, it’s easy to lose sight of your own desires. But even in the midst of adulting, it’s important to create a long-term vision for yourself. What do you want your future to look like? What do you want more of in your life? What passions or interests can you slowly start integrating into your life? It’s ok if you don’t yet know, carving out time for yourself and consciously thinking about what you want and need will help as you bring these things to your awareness, and then you're more likely to take small steps in that direction.
9. Give Yourself a Gold Star
Seriously! As adults, we rarely acknowledge our hard work, but celebrating small wins can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself. When you complete a task or overcome a challenge, give yourself credit, even if it’s something as simple as finishing a load of laundry (I’ve got a thing about laundry obviously) or getting through a tough workday. Plan nice things for yourself too, like a favourite meal, a relaxing bath, or a fun outing. These little rewards remind you that you're doing great, despite the pressures of adulting, and they give you something to look forward to amidst your responsibilities.
10. Seek Support
If you feel like everything is your responsibility, it might be time to ask for help. We are tribal by human nature, we were never supposed to be doing it all by ourselves without our village. Whether it’s delegating chores at home or sharing your concerns and worries with supportive people in your life, whether that be family, friends, coworkers, or neighbours, whoever it is, sharing the load can make a big difference. You don’t have to do everything on your own—reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a strategy for getting things done without burning out. It gives others the same satisfaction to help you that you get from helping others.
If this resonates with you and you’re feeling overwhelmed by the weight of adult responsibilities, know that you’re not alone. Adulting is hard, and it’s okay to admit that you’re struggling. You don’t have to navigate these challenges alone.
Get in touch if you’d like to talk about how your personal circumstances are impacting you, and would like to find a healthier balance between your responsibilities and personal fulfilment, I’m here to help. As a Counsellor, I specialise in helping people who feel like square pegs in round holes explore strategies to feel more in control, set boundaries, and make space for the things that truly matter. And that's YOU ✨
Lynsey
Counsellor & Wellbeing Coach
Commenti