Grief is a natural response to loss and one of the most stressful experiences we face. It can profoundly impact mental and physical health, contributing to anxiety, exhaustion, and a sense of disconnection. Grief-related stress may weaken the immune system, disrupt sleep, and increase the risk of conditions like heart disease and high blood pressure.
Many clients come to me confused about their reactions to loss. Some struggle to cry, others feel relieved their loved one has passed, or worry they aren’t feeling ‘sad enough.’ Media often portrays grief as an intense emotional outburst at the moment of death, but in reality, the immediate aftermath is filled with practical tasks—planning a funeral, sorting belongings—roles and responsibilities that leave little emotional space to process the loss. Often, grief truly settles in much later. Understanding this process can help you make sense of your emotions and find ways to move forward.
The Nature of Grief
Grief is a complex and natural emotional response to loss.
"Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
― Jamie Anderson
Those grieving may experience a range of emotions, including shock, anxiety, anger, exhaustion, or guilt. Rather than following a structured path, grief can feel more like a 'roller coaster' of emotions, with people swinging between different feelings at different times. It is not a linear process, and everyone experiences it in their own way. This is completely normal and part of the grieving process. Many people I have worked with feel ashamed for 'still' grieving years later, but grief has no set timeline. It is deeply personal, and there is no right or wrong way to experience it. There is no shame in having loved and lost. I often say, if you weren't feeling sad about it we'd be having a different conversation!
Frustratingly, we are never taught how to grieve; we only learn when we are in the midst of it.
We don’t ‘get over’ the death of a loved one; we find a way through. At times, it can feel like wading through treacle—slow, heavy, and exhausting.
Coping with Grief: Practical Steps
While grief can feel all-consuming, there are ways to navigate it with compassion for yourself:
Give yourself time – Grief is a process, and healing doesn’t happen overnight. Allow yourself to feel and process your emotions without pressure.
Seek support – Talking to close friends, family, or a counsellor can help you feel less alone in your grief.
Take care of yourself – Prioritise rest, nourishment, and gentle movement. Grief can be exhausting, so self-care is essential.
Be patient with yourself – Some days will feel heavier than others. Healing isn’t linear, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time.
Honour your loved one – Finding meaningful ways to remember them, such as creating a keepsake or participating in a cause they cared about, can provide comfort and connection.
The Growing Around Grief Model
Tonkin’s model of 'Growing Around Grief' offers an alternative perspective on loss. Instead of grief shrinking over time, this model suggests that grief remains the same, but life grows around it. As time passes, new experiences, relationships, and joys emerge alongside grief, making it feel more manageable. This approach reassures those grieving that they don’t have to 'move on' from their loss but rather integrate it into a fuller life.
Living with Grief: Embracing Life While Remembering
Grief doesn’t disappear, but with time, it becomes part of your story rather than something that defines you. You learn to carry it differently, with more ease, even though the weight remains the same. Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting; it means finding ways to carry the memory while embracing life again. This could be through storytelling, continuing their traditions, or dedicating time to a cause they cared about. It might involve exploring new interests, building connections with others, or finding purpose in different ways.
It’s important to remember that grief is unique to each person, and there’s no “right” way to experience it. By allowing yourself space to grieve, seeking support, and practising self-care, you can navigate loss in a way that feels right for you.
If you’re struggling with grief and need support, professional counselling can offer a safe space to process your emotions and find a way forward. Reach out to a grief counsellor like myself, join a support group, or explore online resources tailored to bereavement care.
If you would like to book a chat, get in touch alternatively, I'm sharing some organisations that offering grief support. You don’t have to go through it alone.
Cruse Bereavement Support for local one to one support and group sessions
The Marie Curie helpline for ongoing support over the phone
Sue Ryder’s Online Bereavement Support includes an online community to talk to others who are grieving, a video chat counselling service and personalised grief support by text message
AtaLoss for free live chat with a bereavement counsellor
Child Bereavement UK – offers support if you are bereaved after losing a child. Or if you're a child or young person who is grieving after losing someone.
Child Death Helpline – helpline for all those affected by the death of a child.
The Compassionate Friends – find support for bereaved parents and their families, including a helpline.
Dying Matters – resources to help people talk more openly about dying, death and bereavement, and to make plans for the end of life.
The Good Grief Trust – a charity run by bereaved people, helping all those experiencing grief in the UK. Provides information and stories about grief and bereavement, including a map of UK bereavement services.
Hub of Hope – database of mental health services in the UK, including community, charity, private and NHS mental health support.
The Loss Foundation – offers support to people who have lost someone to cancer. Includes free support groups, walking events, workshops and a peer connection service.
Samaritans – if you're struggling you can call Samaritans any time on 116 123 to talk about anything. You can also email them at jo@samaritans.org. Or contact them by post at Freepost SAMARITANS LETTERS. Samaritans also have a Welsh Language Line on 0808 164 0123 (7pm–11pm every day).
Sands – information and support for anybody affected by the death of a baby. Support includes a helpline and live chat.
WAY (Widowed and Young) – advice for people who have lost a partner before their 51st birthday.
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