Why Friendships Feel Harder Than They Used To – And How to Begin Again

lbtherapy2
Aug 13
2 min read

Updated: Sep 20

Have you ever looked around and wondered when life got so busy that you stopped having time for friends?

Maybe you used to have a close group. People you’d see often, laugh with, share stories with. But somewhere between work deadlines, family responsibilities, and the constant juggling act… those catch-ups became “we must do this soon” messages that never quite happened.

If that sounds familiar – you’re not alone.

What I Hear Time and Time Again

In my counselling practice in Wickham, I hear from people of all ages who share similar feelings:

“I feel like I’m missing out.”
“Everyone else on social media seems to have lots of friends.”
“I’ve lost touch with my old friends – we’re at different life stages now.”
“My focus has been on working and parenting, and now years have passed with little time to socialise.”
“I don’t want to burden people – everyone’s so busy.”

These are not isolated stories. They’re a reflection of how modern life has shifted - and how friendship, without us realising, can slip quietly down our list of priorities.

Why It’s Harder to Make and Keep Friends Now

There isn’t one simple reason – but here are some patterns I see in my work:

The speed of life – constant demands, faster work pace, and technology making us “always on.”
Financial pressure – with the rising cost of living and less job security, we focus more on survival than connection.
Past friendship hurts – making us cautious or fearful of rejection.
Different life stages – children, careers, moving home – meaning our paths diverge from those we once saw often.
Self-esteem struggles – the belief that “no one would want to hear from me” or “I’m too old to make new friends.”

Why Friendship Still Matters

Friendship isn’t about how many people you know or how often you go out.It’s about:

Being seen and accepted for who you truly are.
Laughing together over the little things.
Having someone check in when you’ve gone quiet.

The wrong friendships can leave us feeling lonelier than being alone.But the right ones are life-giving.

It’s Never Too Late to Begin Again

I know it can feel impossible to change things when you’ve been in the same pattern for years. But I’ve seen people, even in their 60s and 70s, make brand-new, deep friendships.

The first step is often the smallest:

Reconnect with someone you’ve lost touch with.
Join one group, class, or activity you enjoy – regardless of the outcome.
Start with tiny interactions: a smile, a short chat, remembering someone’s name.
Be brave enough to send the message or extend the invitation – even if you feel nervous.